That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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