1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
