Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
