Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
