life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
