my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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