so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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