what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
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