i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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