Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
