broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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