I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
