I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I think my nap took me to another dimension
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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