that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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