why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
