I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
