the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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