you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
