i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
zippers are such a cool invention
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
