My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
