my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
