So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
