Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Randomize
