i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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