That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
