She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
