I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
