I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
