It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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