She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
