wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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