Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Randomize
