so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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