I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
At least life still wants to fuck me.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
