It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
