That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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