By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
No subtext here. People are naked.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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