he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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