AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
