I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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