guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
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