just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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