I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I don't want my vagina anymore.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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