I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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