bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
