Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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