ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
