scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
