It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
my shit smells like andre
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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