things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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