Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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