Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
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