yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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