508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
We're too hungover to prance.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
