I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
