yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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