Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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