Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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