I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I wish there were birth control emojis
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
