if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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