If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
