So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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