Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
