she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
she pinky promised me she was 18
We left an ass print on the piano.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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