the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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